


The Alien Under The Streetlight

by taegiradar



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Angst, Depression, Feelings, Gen, M/M, Not Beta Read, One Shot, Suicidal Thoughts, binsung are soulmates, chan is the radio host, changbin is only here in voice, i guess, its not a love story, jisung is just really fucking sad, mentions of cliff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:15:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,033
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29065680
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/taegiradar/pseuds/taegiradar
Summary: It’s a lonely night, a quiet night.It’s really dark, through my low voice.I’ll achieve it, amongst the stars.I’m just lonely, someone please reach out their hand and grab me.
Relationships: Han Jisung | Han/Seo Changbin
Kudos: 16





	The Alien Under The Streetlight

The gentle notes of the piano fade out, and the soothing, comforting voice of the host comes back to quietly fill the room.

Jisung continues to sit on his sofa, staring into space and feeling like nothing at all. 

“Next up, we have a voice note submission from an anon, and I wanted to share this with everyone because it really touched my heart. I hope it will help those of you who are going through something right now.”

The voice is slightly muffled through the old radio speakers, but Jisung has never wanted to replace it. He has never liked change. It made him feel more alienated than ever.

“So this is part of a song I wrote a year ago. It was when I felt like everything around me was breaking, like the world was falling apart around me, but I was the only one affected. I’m sharing this to tell you that you’re never alone in what you go through. That even if everyone doesn’t fully understand you - they will still be by your side.”

Jisung’s breath hitches, the first outward reaction he’s had the whole day. He’s suddenly aware of the sound of his breathing, loud in the silence of the 3am night. He hasn’t been able to sleep, even if he does feel like his body is breaking apart. He’s tired, in every possible way - and he’s sick of it.

The past few months have been especially mean to Jisung. He had been doing so well before that, genuinely getting through life with a smile on his face. But then something changed in the skies, and he fell. He collapsed, far far down - further than he’s been in years.

It’s lonely, down there. He can’t see anything but the darkness surrounding him, and the sky looks like an impossible place to reach. He’s lost, in a way that he can’t even tell how to begin to start climbing back up.

But it’s not like he isn’t used to this. Not used to the hallowing emptiness he feels, not used to the excruciating loneliness that consumes every bone in him. He’s familiar with the feeling, like it’s an old friend catching up with you after a few years of only saying brief ‘hellos’.

The voice on the radio is deeper than the hosts, and rougher on the edges. For some reason, it comforts Jisung.

“ _ Unable to rely on anything, I chose to only rely on myself. But now that I'm shaking, who can I even hold on to for support? In front of the shoulders l'd rested my hands on, my shoulders are now drooping even further, but who cares? _ ”

Jisung feels his chest tighten harshly, pushing the air out of his nose. The pain he feels inside is intense, one that feels like it’s only going to grow. It almost feels like he might pass out, and all that’s ever going to be left of him is an empty shell. An empty shell, left on the floor of the empty apartment, the only proof of the empty man who used to live here.

Alone, left to die, as the world continues revolving around him.

“ _ I can't let it out, I can't let it all out, and the pain couldn't let out starts blaming myself. When I keep breathing in this stale air, it goes beyond being uncomfortable and l'm left gasping for it. I end up bothered by things that shouldn't matter, and they end up mattering even though they shouldn't. _ ”

Jisung feels like the voice from the radio is speaking directly from Jisung’s own head. It scares him, the way every single word places a mark within himself. It’s like the mysterious person is connected to Jisung, in the way both their hearts feel tied up and trapped by a single string.

He thinks about it. Thinks about how he’s been hurting more, but sharing less. Thinks about how he’s been feeling stuck at the bottom, the murky depths starting to become more familiar than the rays of the sun. Thinks about how he worries about the things he’s always been confident about - and how that change is the single most terrifying thing to happen to him.

“ _ Even though people's eyes aren't on me their gazes sting, thinking they might keep watch and see the expression l've kept hidden slip out. I'm afraid, yeah, l'm afraid. _ ”

The back of Jisung’s eyes sting, as the voice continues to say the lyrics like he’s narrating a story. There’s so much pain and hurt behind the voice, and he knows that whatever he has written has obviously come from the depths of his heart. Jisung can hear the silent scream out for help, and the tightening of his chest pushes in again. He wants to reach out, to hold onto the hand of the mysterious voice and help. But how is Jisung supposed to pull someone else up when he’s down there at the bottom with them?

The stinging in his eyes grow, until the tears start flowing out. His breathing is heavy, like he’s on the edge of a cliff, no harness attached. The stupid tears fall to his hands, and Jisung hates the proof of weakness that covers it. He hates how he feels so exposed, so vulnerable - even if he’s alone in this fucking room. (In this fucking world.)

He desperately wipes them away, trying to get rid of any evidence. Evidence that he’s weak. Evidence that he’s fallen from the expectations of the universe. Evidence that he’s  _ human _ .

Jisung looks at his hands, and sees figurative scars and wounds on them. They seem to be covered in dust and wet mud, proof of the attempts at escaping this giant hole. Proof that he failed, with nothing else,  _ nobody else _ to turn to.

But as he listens to the last few lines from the voice of hope and understanding, he thinks maybe he’s not alone after all. That maybe, somewhere on this earth, there’s another alien like him.

“ _ Like a streetlight, like a streetlight. At the end of a lonely day, standing vacantly. In the middle of the lonely night, I try my best to smile brightly. _ ”

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> inspired by alien by han and streetlight by changbin. (also this [tweet](https://twitter.com/rachagods/status/1355181475927216129))
> 
> say hi on [twitter](https://twitter.com/eternitytrack) or [cc](https://curiouscat.qa/eternitytrack).


End file.
